I'm currently following a free online course on photography.

I highly recommend it to the jobless.

After reading lesson 1, I took a few snaps.

Looking at these is for the ones way beyond jobless.

Ok, I don't usually do this but I recently recieved a message from a certain Abbey Coleman on Orkut. Abbey Coleman turns out to be an extremely good looking Caucasian girl from North Carolina. With a very suggestive profile picture. Unfortunately, I deleted the actual message but it was along the lines of:




Hi,
I'm new to this whole orkut thing.... blah blah... i visited your profile and you seem like a really nice person.... anyway I hardly ever log in to orkut, im on this other site - [URL] - so come over there and visit me sometime. I would love to talk to you.
See you soon.
Abbey

So, me being a highly jobless guy and an orkuddict [which is a deadly combination], decided to check her scrapbook out. And the replies that some gullible people had sent in were hilarious! Here's the best of the lot:


M.A:
helllo Abbey
i am realy very sorry for this late reply i just check my mail box and see ur message .[Let me grovel first]
thanks for liking my page . [I can't believe a girl actually visited my profile!]
will u plz introduce ur self ?
and plz send message in scrap book for quick reply. [Operators are standing by....]
ok hope so see u sooon
see ya


v:
hi,how r u....ur good name? where r u?
u looks very preety [Her name's Abbey, not Preety.]

s:
better if u give me your no....... we can talk...... [So that's what phone numbers are for!!!!]

S:
Hi gal, i m pretty amazed @ d fact dat since i dont know u then how
come u gotta enter my profile.Do u know me or its just a random
selection.? [Oh no, nothing random here. I just picked the first 223,342,342,342 people that I liked and you happened to be one of them! Congratulations!!]

a:
HI ABBEY, myself [name] from india... a national circuit squash plyer... oh sooooory, first of all, belated happy valentine's day......
[This one is a classic. Finally a guy that doesnt like to talk about himself too much. And he wished her as well.... 3 weeks late.... awwww]

A:
hii Abbey...any reason for visiting my profile? [Yes, you are the hottest and sexiest 50 year old bald guy on orkut]

H:
hey.. i got u in my profile visitors. wanna friendship?? [Orkut wouldnt be Orkut without a franshape scrap. This one is for the real fans]

m:
wow...so cute...i wish to suck ur pits.. [Woah.. agressive!! I like that ... although I dont think she would appreciate getting her pits sucked.]

V:
spam?? [Haha....................... No. Marry me?]

G:
hai Abbey, wow nice name. [Wow. Flattery will get you everywhere. Wow.]

And the award goes to:


B:
Why do I have a feeling that you are just trying to draw people as members to the friendbucket site? [You're just paranoid B.... Abbey from North Carolina is madly in love with you. ]



Ok. Done with my bad deed of the day. Signing out.

Time: 50:50
Chelsea 0 - Newcastle 0


The way Chelsea is playing nowadays irks me. Here's why:



Chelsea vs Newcastle
Infinite Budget vs Moderate budget
Champions vs Bottom of the table
Full strength Squad vs Second string squad due to many many injuries
Shevchenko vs Huntington
Home vs Away
Never lost to them at home vs Haven't scored against them (away) for 5 years

And yet despite the huge mismatch, it's 0-0!!!! Newcastle has been the closest to scoring and I just don't get why!!! But I do have a theory. Comfort. Chelsea is pretty comfortable where they are now. They lack motivation because they have money and the best players and blah blah blah. As a huge fan, I am disappointed to see them play without any enthusiasm or finesse.

Also I think being labeled an underdog is very important. Teams look forward to that now. It's because 'underdogs overcoming the odds' has become such a cliche, that it's actually an advantage. Underdog is the new Overdog. Sucks for Chelsea and their multi million dollar budget.

Update: 60:12 and still 0-0
Update: Full-time and Chelsea won 1-0 ..........its a shame, really..........

I do my best and worst thinking in the shower. So I've decided to start recording the inane thoughts I have while having one everyday. Most of the best thinking is about projects, and i've sometimes taken longer showers just so that I can figure out the logic of a particular part. Is it ok if I have a shower installed in my cubicle? It's in the company's best interest, and the employee smells good.

Anyway, before I digress, the constructive thoughts are pretty boring... I like the useless ones.

Useless shower thoughts for 12/13:

1. How many kids got into physical fights when one revealed the ending of the Harry Potter book to the other prematurely?

2. How many people mistakenly ordered 'Lord of the Flies', after the J.R.R Tolkien Trilogy was released? - If i write a book, I'll make sure it sounds similar to a famous one, so that people order it even though they don't want it. And I'll have a no-refund policy *evil laughter*


Possible titles:
a. The Showerhead -----(Considering how many idiots pick up the Ayn Rand Classic)
b. All Quiet on the Eastern Front
c. Pound of the Baskervilles
d. Grime and Punishment
e. Bride and Prejudice -----(They already tried it with a movie)


Any suggestions??

Satan ------- by Khalil Gibran

It's a bit long, but worth reading to the end.

The imagery is fantastic. It's the old philosophy that good cannot exist without evil. Yet, its the style that sets Khalil Gibran apart. I don't really have much more to say about it, the piece speak for itself. Stories with Satan as a character have always fascinated me. And the interaction of a priest and Satan makes for a very interesting dicussion topic. Do read this when you get some time.

Nothing much to talk about, so I decided to post something!

I'm really looking forward to going home. It's been a year. And the more I think of it, a year that I have missed from my parents' and sister's life. Can anyone even begin to put a value to that lost time? I can't.

Not a night goes by when I haven't dreamt about them, not a daydream in class goes by without me wondering what meeting them after so long will be like. Sure, you say, a year is nothing. People have been away for decades from their family members. But I feel the way to be closest to a person is to be part of their day-to-day life. This holds true for family, friends and significant others. The minute a physical distance exists, its very difficult to fill that void with phone calls, emails, cards, delivered flowers and cakes. None of these can take the place of being there when the last time they caught a cold, or the last time they were irritated, or that last time they had a bad day.......its the insignificant things in life that add meaning to our relationship with others.


I'm going to have fish tonight. Really spicy tasty red Kerala fish curry. Yumm. Now that will help me get over the blues. Although I think part of the low comes from the cold clammy weather outside. I hate the rain. I don't care about crops or the water cycle or any of those advantages. I HATE the rain. I hate it in the summer. I hate it even more in the winter. I think it has a thing against me because it always tries catching me without an umbrella. It made me buy one very recently and very conveniently arrived whenever I was without it. I hate what it did to my bag, seeping through and wetting my maps. I hate it for giving me a cold. I hate it for everything that it is. I hate it for the endless times I reached an important occasion soaking wet. I hate it for diluting my hair gel and making my hair all bushy.

And my parents named me Varun. Sigh.

George Washington Bridge is probably the only bridge in the world which connects heaven and hell. You decide which side is which.

                             
                                                Our little old friend - Father Time




Ok, there's nothing worse than a forced journal entry but I promised a friend that I would write something about "Time" by Monday. The ironic part of course is that neither one of us seems to have the TIME to write this piece. That is the main reason we had this arrangement in the first place. I thought about it all weekend, and gave up all hope on Sunday morning, hung over from the night before. But it's Sunday night and I decided to stop what I was doing and take out the time to write.

Time is a funny thing. Moves about at different speeds. Changes us, teaches us, loves us, hates us, helps us... In the end, though, stabs us in the back and has the last laugh.

The most common complaint that people seem to have is ".... if I had the time....". But I feel that time has been the scapegoat for far too long. Time actually has nothing to do with how we spend our.....time. It's all a question of how you prioritize and what you really want to do. (Yeah, I know I haven't stated anything new, so shoot me)

My biggest complaint about time: I find that time has given me a lot of regrets. It's handed me the crystal ball we call hindsight and replays old images in front of me. It shows me again and again, how my actions could have changed my life for the better. It mocks me. I don't think I like time.

My ultimate fantasy regarding time: I wish I could pause it sometimes. When it's running away from you like an impatient child and you just want to stop it and hug it. And make that moment last, that's the time I would press this magic button, and everything would pause.

What I fear about time: The fact that it's poking and prodding me, pushing me, and making me grow up. It's making my little sister not be so little anymore. It's making my parents old. It's making my friends wise (very scary). It's making the world a little more serious and a lot more real.

What I love about time: even with all the goof ups in life, it always gives me something to look forward to.

Maaya, hope this discussion on time has been as uninsightful as I have imagined it to be. Can't wait to see what you've written. And if haven't then you owe me something, because I reminded you once. Thanks for making me blog again though.

My words fuel my thoughts. If I want to express myself, it is the words that come before that influence the ones that will come after. Sitting in the train now, I feel like writing about nothing in particular. Yet I know, that writing now will take vague thoughts in my head, and give them shape, form, and if possible, meaning. The long day at work is over, and it was another demotivating day. I wonder what working full time would be like, and when a person loses this freshness and excitement that I get everyday when I get to work. Is it a desire to succeed that guides me? Probably not. All I know is that I want to do something important, and I want to be given a chance to do it. At work, I get in everyday to read documents, a thoroughly useless task. All around me are employees, who have been working for years, and their experience is dragging them down. Everything is normal and mundane to them, and they have lost the desire to work for the sake of achieving something. And I know, that one day my attitude would be similar. Which is why I think interns should be treated better than others, because they have that spark and that drive, that no amount of experience can overshadow. As much as people talk about interns bringing in a fresh perspective, the tasks don't seem to mirror those thoughts. But this is only one case and one intern, it is different for others.

What else do I want to write about? I want to write about love actually, because I feel that my interpretation of this emotion now exists in a watered down form in my head. I am not naive about it, or as poetic about it as I used to be. I loved love with a lot of passion and I hated love with a lot of passion at various times of my life. Now, with experience, I have realized that extremes are bad. Love borders not the edges of human zeal, but right in the middle. You can be in love, and be sensible about a lot of things at the same time. Gone is the era where Romeo and Juilet would die for one another. Right now, it's Romeo and Juliet looking for a career and someone who can support them in their long term goals. Almost a business transaction created from necessity rather than a rush of blood to the head. I'm sure many would disagree, but it depends on your state of mind. I'm sure at certain times of the day, just before that cup of coffee, you would agree with this. And if you don't know what i'm talking about, you will soon. It's all part of growing as a person. Reality is a fun house mirror when you are a child. Perspectives weave and change around in funny shapes and truth migrate from one form to the next. But once you grow up, the mirror becomes flat, and its almost like you open your eyes in front of it and go, "Oh."

I also want to write about New York, since I'm in the train on the way there. Going through the tunnel always blocks my ears and that is pretty much the only thing I hate about this city. I remember the old New York, from 1997. Things were a lot different then, as they always are. But I don't remember liking the city as much as I like it now. In fact it seems to be a great place to work. But then again, I'm sure the people who have worked here for decades would tend to disagree. Another instance of when the "intern" sees things differently. What else am I naive about, I wonder? What else have you been hiding from me, world?

I did want to write about a line from "Gabriel's Gift" by Hanif Kureishi. Gabriels's Dad tells him, "When hate has been expressed, only then does love have a chance." I don't think even Gabriel thought about this line as much as I have. It's true in a lot of ways. Probably because only when you can see yourself losing something, do you realize how important it is to you. Sometimes that is too late, but if you can hold on to that thing after almost losing it, you don't let go. Will think about this some more, and count the number of things that I am happy to hold onto in my life. And the people that I cling to, for without them, things would be ... well... like my internship.

Train stopping at New York. New Jersey transit reminds you to collect your belongings and please guide small children by the hand. Welcome to Penn Station, New York. Step out and let a whole new day unfold itself tomorrow.

I decided to make a list of the books I have read in the past week, so that
a. I don't forget what I have read
b. I can come back sometime and write a few opinions about the books when I get the time.

1. The body ... Hanif Kureishi
2. Laughable Loves... Milan Kundera
3. The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy... Douglas Adams
4. Restaurant at the End of the Universe... Douglas Adams
5. Life is Elsewhere... Milan Kundera
6. Gabriel's Gift... Hanif Kureishi
7. Adrian Mole: The Capuccino Years ... Sue Townsend
8. Alias Grace ... Margaret Atwood

Reviews coming up......

The body - Hanif Kureishi

A collection of short stories that seems to be totally unlike Hanif Kureishi's work. The main attraction is a short story of the same name and I remember thinking that the story was nothing like what he had written before. Hanif (I can call you Hanif can't I? Thanks.) is an author who seems to be one who is bold when it comes to sex. He creates these quirky and awkward situations for his characters, solving them in a way only he can. In that respect, The Body is a typical Hanif Kureishi book. But to read a "Body Snatchers" type of plot took some time to get used to. It fits him like a cheap suit. For some reason, futuristic plots seem to undermine his ability as an author. Albeit an entertaining read, The Body is not the book to read when looking for a typical HK work.

Laughable Loves - Milan Kundera

I fell in love with Milan Kundera's writing after this one. Another collection of short stories, Laughable Loves is Milan at his best. Milan Kundera has the ability to bring so much depth to his characters in such a short amount of time. I could relate to many of the protagonists, and the stories revolve around, as the title suggests, love. But here, Kundera has explored the various facets of this emotion, not in a new way, since no emotion has been more written about, but in an interesting way. The first story, called The Hitchhiker Game, will have you understand what it means to be able to speak your mind in a relationship. Milan Kundera explores sexual freedom as well in many of the stories, and his concepts are intruiging to say the least. Many stories though, require some knowledge of Czech history, and I felt at a loss not being able to understand the underlying political currents.

I want to write a novel!! I want to paint!!! I want to write poetry!!!! So, what the hell am i doing my MS in Computer Science for? I know. I'm driving down the middle of the road called life. And I don't like the uniformity and stability of this path. And yet i'm driving, obeying the speed limit. I've even got a left indicator on since I left the house but I don't have the guts to turn. I stick to the middle.

Your thought is a tree rooted deep in the soil of tradition and whose branches grow in the power of continuity. My thought is a cloud moving in the space. It turns into drops which, as they fall, form a brook that sings its way into the sea. Then it rises as vapour into the sky. Your thought is a fortress that neither gale nor the lightning can shake. My thought is a tender leaf that sways in every direction and finds pleasure in its swaying. Your thought is an ancient dogma that cannot change you nor can you change it. My thought is new, and it tests me and I test it morn and eve.

You have your thought and I have mine.

-Khalil Gibran (Your thought and mine)

1) Did you do what you were told when you were young, or did you rebel?

I did EXACTLY what I was told when I was young. That's just my nature, I don't question.


2) What did your childhood bedroom look like?

Empty. Maybe a few toys and lots and lots of books... I slept in my parents room :)


3) Are there foods, smells, songs or sounds that bring back memories of childhood for you?

For me the smell of impending rain brings back a lot of childhood memories. Especially memories of my grandmother's house in Delhi and the start of the monsoon. A lot of times, just bright sunlight reminds me of my childhood days, when I used to have a bath in the morning and then sit in the backyard with my books to study. Also when sometimes I hear a hawker in the street trying to sell his goods.... because there used to be a lot of hawkers in Delhi.... and even now when I go back there after years I can hear their familiar slogans as they pass the house.


4) What is something you often did on Sundays when you were growing up?

I woke up early and watched cartoons. And I also remember watching a lot of cricket. But my Sunday revolved around a good breakfast. I would wake up late and most of the times my dad would make breakfast. That was a treat. Wonder where that time has gone?

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

-Kahlil Gibran

First of all, I'd like to thank you guys for the comments on the earlier blog. It really made me think deeper about what I had said, and why I felt the way I did. It was something that came spontaneously (maybe it was a freak moment of intense patriotism), but I can safely say that it wasn't something frivolous.

There are two things that I really want to talk about here and the first is the comment that a friend made which was that a person need not live outside India to feel this way. I feel that moving out of the country really does make a difference. As an example I can state that some people I know learnt a lot about their country after coming here. Someone from the North of India was under the misconception that there was a state called "Kannad". Another person from the South was absolutely clueless about the location of Punjab. Albeit, these are a few extreme cases, but the average Indian does not know much about India. Probably because the average Indian is not exposed to the diverse culture that exists in his own country. The average Indian is happy in his little niche, where he is comfortable and feels secure. He need not worry about what is happening anywhere else. Is the drought in Haryana of any concern to the Keralite? Do the tribulations of the fisherman from Orissa hold any significance to a Bhopali? Leaving India changes that. It is what brings some of us together. All of a sudden you are exposed to people and facets that are much bigger than the simple "world" you were living in. And now you get a broader perspective of things.

Also, someone asked why I love this feeling called India. The answer is simple. Coming here has changed a lot of things about my life. And there is something about us as people, we resist change. We like to hold on to what we have because we are familiar with that lifestyle and familiar with that environment. Loving India is my attempt to hold onto what I had. It is my attempt to grasp onto something while I feel my life is spiralling in another direction.

Scenario: Walk into a room full of unfamiliar people. Instantly you feel attached to an Indian that is present. Why? Because that person being Indian shares something with you. And this feeling of belonging is what gives you security in an unfamiliar place. So yes India is my symbol, and its there because it gives me comfort. Now why don't I feel the same on a broader scale, that I should love ALL humans? Consider this.

Scenario: Walk into a room full of unfamiliar beings. There are Martians, Nephles from the planet Zorg, Cruphtyles from Jupiter and a few humans. Who would you talk to first?

Eschewed in the corner of my room
is my sanity.
I ask him to join me
but he just stared back silently.

Sitting in front of me
is my dignity.
I implore him to spend time with me
But he won't listen.

Sleeping in my bed downstairs
is my happiness.
I try to wake him up
but he's in a deep slumber.

Crying at the base of the steps
is my innocence.
I try consoling him
but he won't talk to me.

Locked in the room downstairs
is my understanding.
I bang and bang at the door
but he won't open.

Packing up and leaving the house
is my clarity.
I try stopping him
but all in vain.

So, defeated, I make my way back
I see love standing there
smiling back at me
and I beckon him to come near.

And as he sits in my lap
I, the incomplete soul
put on my mask
and face the world.

I am Indian. My parents are Indian. My family is Indian. Everyone in this world who means anything to me is Indian.

And yet, I never thought about the concept of being Indian until I moved out of the country. I have never thought of what it means to be a citizen of India (do i care?). wait a minute... does it even mean anything?

Rang De Basanti released. All us exports of India went to see it. We laughed. We cried. We went back to our US university using our rented American car, eating some burgers at MacD on the way and went to sleep in our comfortable American beds.... and got back to our lives. Did anyone think about being Indian the next day? the next week? the next month? The answer is probably no.

Ok, the movie wasnt THAT great... a classic example of a movie that started with a moving idea, a real chance to affect people, but instead got caught up making a few quick bucks.... I imagine the director, thinking of this story, google-eyed because he has just stumbled upon an idea much bigger than himself.... his eyes are searching wildly as this idea is taking shape right before him..... he's about to exclaim that he's got it! he will make this movie about India!! and the concept of being Indian!!! then someone waves a couple of Rs. under his nose.... he's distracted.... his eyes are glazed over.... and the idea that had just brought a spark to his eyes has died with him.....RDB is a perfect example of an idea with good intentions gone horribly wrong.....

Moving out of the country gives you perspective. I can see India from here.... from north to south.... I can see India in it's entirety..... and i'm moved....My country makes me so proud.

This is something that could not have been achieved within India. Can a muse in a painting have a look at itself? Can the Mona Lisa break out of its painting, turn around and awe at its own beauty? I am a speck of paint in this painting called India, and the colours astound me.

Yet, it is not enough to realize where you belong. It's about giving back as well.... it's about earning your right to belong. It's not about your accent and showing off you can fit in anywhere else.... "Home is always home", never had greater meaning to me than now...

I will be back to India one day... No, not as a 60 year old NRI wondering where his family is... where his relatives have disappeared... feeling completely alien and lost to the people of his home....feeling as if he has just woken from a dream and those decades of sleep can never come back to him... No, not as a confused 35 year old, deciding where he can make the most out of his foreign experience... with equally confused kids and a wife that doesn't want to be home..... It will be as a young man, as young as I am now ... and it will be to give back from the start....

The speck rejoins the painting to complete it, to give it colour again where it had faded ..... India. Home.

"People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.

But you are life and you are the veil.

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

But you are eternity and you are the mirror. "


- Kahlil Gibran

my style of writing .... phrases... lots of dots.... get used to it.

Feel like a blog is like a market place.... where everyone is trying to shout louder than the other... trying to sell their goods ... imagine this large square... and man does it have to be a big square considering im user number 92384283482384 to join LJ .... (exaggerated a bit... no im not trying to promote it) ..... everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs ... all at the same time ....

and in the cacophony there are those that are standing at their stall quietly ... mumbling to themselves... i wish i could find these ppl...
they're the hardest to notice but when u do find them, u treasure their company....

and what's my role in all of this???? consider myself to be an observer ..... im just walking around this market place ... listening to anything that will catch my attention...

just a thought....... blog ... day 1.